How it could have been
by SweetestRevenge
Summary: AU version of how events unfold in the s3 finale; what happens if Beckett doesn't get shot?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so this is a little au but I always wondered what could have happened at the end of season 3 if Beckett wasn't shot. Please enjoy!**

Before she knew what was happening, Castle had tackled her to the ground, knocking her off of the podium and landing awkwardly on the grass. All she could hear around her was screaming, panic, everyone yelling to "duck down!"

Then the memory hit her like a freight train, a shot was fired. Where from? By whom? Who was the target and why today at Montgomery's funeral?

She felt Castle on top of her, his weight was heavy, restricting her breathing.

She felt a wetness start to soak through her clothes, oh god, she was hit, in shock, unable to feel the damage.

She began to roll Castle off of her, moving him on to his side next to her. There was blood, a lot of it, but no wound on her body, no tear in her clothing.

Oh god, Castle!

She quickly shuffled, rolling him on his back. And there it was, blood pouring from an exit wound to the left of his chest. Her eyes shot up to his face. He was still conscious, still breathing but his eyes were filled with fear.

"No Castle! Don't you die on me, don't you leave me!"

She began to clutch to his collar, stroking his neck and face, assuring him that she was there.

"Please Castle, don't leave me, please don't leave me!"

He began to make a noise as if he was trying to speak, his eyes filling with tears, overwhelmed by the sheer agony.

"Kate," she leaned in, his voice so quiet she could barely hear him.

"I love you Kate, I love you."

His eyes began to close slowly, the life flowing out of him in a crimson liquid that stained the earth he lay on.

XOXOXOXOXOX

He was still in surgery, two hours later, two hours of tears and wails from Alexis and Martha as they waited the fate of their loved one. Kate found herself unable to move, to speak, she just clung on to Alexis' hand, silent tears streaming down her face.

No news from the boys and Lanie had gone to fetch her a coffee, she couldn't think. The only thing remaining in her mind was the last words he had said to her.

Suddenly there was another hand on her, a tall figure lifting her to her feet causing her to loose her grip on the hand of the younger girl. This large figure clutching her in his arms. For a moment she thought it was Castle, wished it was Castle. But it wasn't. Josh began to walk her away from the group, holding her tight to his side.

"Kate I'm taking you home, okay?"

She pulled away sharply, unable to think that he really thought she'd leave Castle right now.

"No, I'm staying here!"

His features changed from concerned to angry.

"Kate you're exhausted and his surgery could be long, you're no good to him here, you can see him when he wakes up!"

That was it. "Of course I'm exhausted Josh! I just watched my best friend get shot, trying to save my life! He didn't leave me then and I won't leave him now! And if you think I would then you really don't know me at all" She began to storm off back towards the two redheads before hearing his voice once again.

"Kate, if you care about me at all you will come home with, right now."

She turned on her heals, walking strait up to him.

"I do care about you Josh, I just care about him more. Because he would never ask me to leave someone I loved when they needed me."

With that, she was gone from his sight and rejoined the anxious group.

"What was that about?" Lanie queried while handing her her coffee.

"Nothing that's important right now. Any news? Where are Martha and Alexis?"

"The doctor's just come out, surgery went well but he'll be out for quite a while, but overall they think he's gonna pull through. They both went in a minute ago to stay with him." A wave of relief flooding through her, he was going to be okay. He had to be.

"Kate, he's gonna pull through this. You should really get some sleep, do you want me to stay or are you okay here?"

"I'll be fine Lanie, go and talk to Espo, keep me posted with updates."

She received a hug from her friend, but felt completely numb, she just needed to be with him. Once Lanie had gone, she opened the door quietly and was met by the gaze of the older redhead.

"Kate dear, come sit, we were just going to sleep her, make sure we're still here when he wakes up." She pointed her towards the chair on the opposite side of the bed from them, Alexis was already fast asleep curled up in the armchair.

"Thank you Martha."

As she sat down she scanned his face. He looked so peaceful, younger when he slept, all the lines in his face absent as he slumbered in between them. She took ahold of the hand that was laying next to her, smoothing patterns on the back of it as she watched him sleep. Her concentration broken by a soft voice.

"He really cares about you you know. He wouldn't have taken a bullet to try for you if he didn't love you." She turned to meet Martha's eyes once again.

"I care about him too, more than I let on actually." Her eyes darting to the ground. "You know I thought you would've been angry with me, for putting your son in danger. I mean, I'm angry with myself for letting him get hurt."

"Kate, I know my son better than anyone, I know that if he didn't do this for you and you got shot - well I can't imagine how he'd react! And it's not your fault that this has happened, you weren't to know that some psycho would shoot up a funeral." The older woman's voice was so tender it almost reminded her of her own mother.

"He told me he loved me." She looked up to meet Martha's eyes again. "Right before he lost consciousness, he told me he loved me. And honestly I'm scared that I don't deserve him, scared that all my baggage will make him broken like I am."

"Kate dear, both he and I have known his true feelings for you for a long time. Baggage and all! You must have suspected! But the important thing is that you can't live your life being so scared of the 'what ifs' that you don't take a chance on something."

Her head dropped to his hand, kissing it lightly, she inhaled his scent as the tears began to fall again. The warmth of his hand giving her comfort. He was still here, still alive.

Her lids lowering as her exhaustion got the best of her and she drifted to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so this chapter is LONG, but I couldn't find a way to sepperate it, so meh! But I hope you all enjoy and bare with me, I know it's a lot of effort!**

She woke suddenly, the sweat an fear thick on her skin as she launched forward in the chair. It was okay, just a nightmare, her mind had made her re-live the sight of Castle dying in front of her, she slowed her breathing.

Wait, Castle! Where was he? Where were Martha and Alexis?

She felt a hand at her shoulder making her jump. "He's fine, he's gone for some tests, could take quite a while so you may want to head home and change. We'll let you know when he's back and ready for visitors." The doctor's calm tone reassuring her somewhat as she realised she was still wearing her blood-soaked uniform. Yeah, changing might be a good idea...

XOXOXOXOXOX

She stepped into the shower after pealing her clothes from her skin and dumping them in the laundry basket. The warmth of her bathroom increasing the sick smell of copper invading her nostrils. She watched as the water began to turn red as she stood under the gentle spray, her partners blood being washed away, if only it was that easy to wash away the memory. She felt sick just thinking about it.

She had called the boys for updates, apparently there was a groundskeeper but it was dead-end. They found the rifle, there were prints but not in the system. Another dead-end. They had told her they had it under control and that she should be there for Castle right now. They seemed concerned about her considering the fact that the shooter was trying to get her. But she couldn't focus on that right now, she could only think about Castle. There was a detail on her apartment in case the shooter turned up there but nothing yet.

It took her longer than she anticipated to fully clean off all of the dried blood on her skin, but after washing her hair she stepped into her room just as the phone rang. She grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her before reaching for the phone and answering it.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Dr Mahoney, I thought I'd let you know that Mr Castle is fully awake and asking for you."

Her heart raced, "okay thank you, tell him I'll be there in about 30 minutes."

XOXOXOXOXOX

She arrived in his room within 20 minutes, she had rushed getting ready, simply throwing on some slacks and a t-shirt before racing out the door.

She opened the door coyly, hearing voices inside the room. Peering in she was met by the sight of the two redheads laughing with Rick. Before he looked up to meet her gaze.

"Kate, hey! Come in!" She slowly edged her way into the room taking her seat once again at his side.

"Come on dear, we'll leave these two to talk!" Martha muttered to Alexis before they both stood up and exited the room.

"How are you feeling ?"

"Little rough, but other than that I'm okay." His voice sounded happy but guarded.

She took a hold of his hand, lacing her fingers with his. "You saved my life Rick, I don't know how to thank you for that!"

His reply came with a squeeze of her hand and a timid grin. "Anything for you Detective."

She looked down to their hands before taking a deep breath, preparing her for what she was about to say. (Come on, Kate the man jumped in front of a bullet for you and you can't even muster up the courage to say I love you ?)

"Rick, I need to ask you something and I'm not sure how it will go but just promise me you'll be honest?"

"Of course Kate." His voice was filled with concern.

"What you said to me, before you lost consciousness," she looked up to meet his eyes but found his gaze was fixed downward. "Did you mean it? Do you love me? I need to know Rick."

His eyes remained down before he closed them and replied, his voice so quiet that she nearly didn't hear him. "Of course I meant it, Kate. I have for a long time."

She felt his hand loosen as the moments went on in silence.

"I don't deserve you, Rick."

He looked up to see her now mimicking his actions as she stared at the floor.

"You took a bullet to save my life, you're the most important person to me and if there's one thing that this experience has made me realise, it's that I don't want to waste anymore of our lives pretending that we're just friends." She raised her head up to find him smiling and gripping on to her like he was scared she was going to leave.

"I love you, Rick. I am so in love with you."

She leaned in to capture his smile in her kiss, keeping it forever. As she leant over him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her down, turning her to him until she was sat in his lap. He played with her hair softly as he peppered her face and neck with soft kisses, mumbling his poetry into her skin and telling her how long he's waited to kiss her but he couldn't because of - then the thought caught up with him.

"What about Josh?" He sounded panicked, confused and a little worried.

"We broke up, last night. I just knew it wasn't right anymore and after hearing you telling me you loved me, I knew that I didn't want to be with him."

Rick sighed in relief, it was okay, she wasn't going to leave him. She loves him!

XOXOXOXOXOX

A few days and about 40 tests later he was allowed to be discharged and stay at home, as long as he did nothing strenuous and saw a physical therapist as well as the hospital shrink at least once a week.

Beckett had picked up her car from the precinct after swinging by to see the progress the boys had done, she had spent most of the days with Castle or picking up stuff from his loft for him. Less than a week into this relationship, or whatever they were, and she already had a key to his place! Most people in hospital ask for their pyjamas or their clothes or their iPods, but no, Rick Castle wanted his favourite comics - 'Avenger's #1', 'Batman Hush' and 'Deadpool Dark Reign'.

He had spent most days on the phone to Paula doing his best to keep the shooting out of the press. The shooter was aiming for Beckett so he was concerned that if it got out that he was shot and not her, the shooter could attempt another attack. He was still thinking about her safety, even after he was shot.

She pulled up outside the hospital and waited for Rick and the two redheads to exit the building. Martha had said he just needed to finish up insurance paperwork and then they'd be out.

She saw Martha first, she was pushing Rick in a wheelchair, precautionary of course, so he didn't rip his stitches, with Alexis and a nurse trailing along behind them. When they reached the car, Beckett got out and wondered round to open the front passenger door, making it quicker and easier for him to just slip into the seat. Once he was strapped in, the nurse gave instructions one last time for his pain medication before wondering back inside, pushing the now vacant wheelchair in front of her.

Alexis and Martha jumped in the back before Beckett returned to her driving seat, pulling away in the direction of his loft.

The trip back was quiet, except for Castle getting giddy about being back home and seeing his Bubba Fett again and how much he'd missed being there. She had arranged it with Martha and Alexis that she would use her remaining holiday to get time off to take care of him as school had not yet finished and Martha's acting classes were still going. She had packed a duffle bag full of clothes and toiletries for her stay, she only had a week off as she used the rest of the holiday she was saving for their case in LA. But still, a week was better than nothing at all.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Once settled inside the loft, Kate placed her over-night bag in the spare room upstairs, but didn't unpack it. On her decent to the lower level, she began to smell the scent of fresh take-out, they had clearly ordered when she was upstairs, she knew that Castle would order her favourite for her so she didn't need to be there to choose.

They all sat round the table, mountains of take-out containers were consuming most of the surface. Casual chit chat filling the air, she felt so comfortable, so at home amongst this strange but fitting family. She loves them all. She had lost so much in her life that the feeling of belonging had been lost to her for so long, I mean, the team at the 12th were a family, but this felt different. This was a real family, a mother, a daughter and father. She was the last piece of the puzzle. And she fit perfectly snug amongst the jigsaw of their lives.

Once the food had been polished off, Alexis suggested a movie. The two redheads sat on one couch and Kate was sat next to Rick on the other. About half-way through 'The Phantom Menace', Rick had placed his arm around Kate and brought her close to him. She was snuggled into his side, attempting to ignore the smug grins beaming from Alexis and Martha as they tried to subtly sneak a peak at the two of them before feeding each others chickens. Usually she would have felt embarrassed being in this situation, but she wasn't she was too happy to feel anything but joy. The man she loved was alive and on the mend and they had finally take that step forward to completing their relationship. Almost. But 'the talk' could wait until Castle was fully healed.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Once the film had finished, Martha had gone to fetch drinks for everyone as Alexis, Rick and Kate were left talking.

"So, what's happening here then?"

So long for holding off on the talk...

Rick was the first to answer; "Well pumpkin, me and Kate are, for lack of a better word, together now."

She looked down at the brunet, almost waiting for authorisation of his statement.

"Yeah, I guess we are." Her reply met with a beaming smile from both father and daughter.

"I'm glad to hear that, finally." Alexis remark making the adults laugh slightly as Martha returned with a glass of wine for her and Kate and juice for Rick and Alexis.

"Hey! Where's my wine?"

"Rick, you can't have any remember? The doctor said no mixing alcohol with your pain medication." Kate's statement resulting in a whiny groan from Castle and the words "stupid juice" being muttered under his breath.

Kate gripped his hand lightly as she giggled. Yes, Kate hard-as-nails Beckett, giggled. That was enough to lift him out of his pretend grump and bring her back to his side in a tight embrace. However, the tensing of his muscles to hug her caused the pain in his chest to heighten, his stitches pulling at his skin, feeling the tender flesh stretched to tearing point.

He tenses and sucks in a harsh gasp between gritted teeth.

Beckett's face lift sharply to look at him before looking down to his chest. "Are you okay, Rick? Do you need more pain pills?"

He was touched at the concern filling her question but wanted to reassure her. He knew she blamed herself for him getting shot. She'd never admit it, but he knew, she'd pushed it down but it was still there. The look in her eyes with a hint of "I'm so sorry for putting you through this" lingering behind her golden-emerald gaze.

"No I'm fine, just need some sleep I think." A light smile tugging at his lips.

"That sounds like something we could all use actually!" Martha had a point, it had been a rough couple of days with mostly staying at the hospital or a terrible night's sleep worrying about their loved one.

Martha began to ascend the stairs as Kate and Alexis rose simultaneously, the younger woman following the older woman's lead. Kate began to gather up the now empty glasses scattered around the coffee table as Rick stood and began to wonder over to his room.

After hearing his door close, Alexis stopped , turning to the brunet who was now placing the glasses at the sink.

"Detective Beckett, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course Alexis, what'd you need?"

The redhead timidly walking toward the kitchen island before continuing their conversation, lowering her voice enough that only Kate could hear her.

"First of all and don't take this the wrong way, I am so happy that you two are finally doing this," -the pause in her statement making Beckett tense all over- "but I'm scared that my dad is gonna get hurt again and I don't want you to be doing this because you feel guilty about him getting hurt trying to save you."

The bluntness of the young girl's statement making Kate shudder, but she understood where she was coming from.

"I just don't want to see my dad getting his heart broken again." Alexis' eyes had dropped to the floor, she clearly scared for her dad's well-being.

She needed to reassure this poor girl that her intentions were pure. Time to be completely honest.

"I understand what you're saying Alexis, I really do." The young girls eyes rising to meet her's at that point. "You're just looking out for your dad, but I assure you Alexis we are doing everything we can to find the guy who shot your dad, but as far as me and him go," - she took a deep breath - "I love your dad, very much and I have for a lot longer than I realised, the main reason we have taken this next step now was because I finally realised that I didn't want to waste anymore time pretending not to have feelings for him. The shooting made me realise how quickly a life can be taken away from you and that I'd rather spend as much time in this family as a part of it than with one foot out the door. That is, if you're okay with me being a part of it?"

Her head tilted to the side and slightly lowered, trying to meet the girl's eye line to not seem condescending. Hoping that the answer the redhead gave her was the one she was looking for.

"I would like that, for you to be a part of our family, I know you make my dad happy and I like to see my dad happy and you're a lot better than his usual type. I never really got on with Gina, she just lived in such a different world to me that the only thing we really had in common was my dad and there's only so many conversations you can have about one person!" The slight chuckle in her voice releasing the tension in the room like a breath of fresh air.

"The more I've gotten to know you over the years, the more I have come to appreciate you in our lives, you keep my dad on his toes and remind him that under the fame he's still just a man-child. And I don't think I could take another blonde stereotype who would use my dad for his money and then get bored and move on."

This girl had spent so much time looking after her dad, she was finally relieved to have someone who could share the load with. And that was someone she saw in Beckett.

"Well, I'm glad we had this talk and I thank you for your honesty. But I want you to know if you ever need to talk me about anything, I'm always here for you Alexis, whenever."

The girl smiled, beamed actually before stepping forward, embracing the woman in a tight hug, whispering into her shoulder; "Thank you."

As they separated, they shared another brief smile before Alexis continued her path to her room and Kate began to wash the glasses in the sink before feeling an arm wrap around her stomach and a light kiss being placed on her neck.

"You don't need to do that." His voice was deep in the silence, making her shudder from the vibrations in her ear but not stopping what she was previously doing.

"It'll only take a second Castle it's four glasses." Her voice was confident but a little raspy from her quiver. "And you're meant to be getting some rest." She began to dry her hands on a towel before turning in his embrace, placing a light kiss to his lips.

"I love you too by the way." His words confused her for a moment, then she remembered.

"You were listening in on a conversation between me and your daughter?" She attempted a glare but she looked far too happy for it to have the desired affect.

"I was going to ask you where you were sleeping tonight and heard you guys talking, it's not like I was eavesdropping or anything!"

He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't buying any of the crap he was selling.

"Wait, what do you mean where I was sleeping?" Her voice sounded confused but adorable, like she had been hoping he would have brought this up.

"I mean, you don't have to stay in the spare room anymore, we are together now remember? You're my girlfriend." The giant grin on his face made her defences crumble.

"Well I suppose I could stay in your room, for the sake of your safety and to make sure you don't lick your stitches." She bit her lip trying to contain a smile before he kissed her again, rescuing her abused flesh.

"I love when you bite your lip, it's so adorable." He nuzzled his nose with hers before taking her hand and leading her towards his bedroom.

"Castle wait, I need my pyjamas!"

He moved close to her again, looking her up and down.

"I was kind of hoping we wouldn't need them." His remark making her giggle before she broke away from his body.

"What part of 'no strenuous activity' do you not understand? Do you really want to rip your stitches?"

He groaned and his head drooped; "Fine! Go and get your stuff then." He muttered out through pouted lips. His sulky voice was adorable! He started for his bedroom again as she sauntered off up the stairs to retrieve her things.

Once she had gotten to his room, she saw him in a way that she wanted to see every day, a loose-fitting dark blue t-shirt and black boxers with tousled hair. He looked delicious. Edible. Perfect.

No strenuous activity might be harder to live by now that she's met with this sight.

"That didn't take long."

Her train of thought broken. "Huh? What didn't take long?"

His reply assisted by a cheeky grin.

"You getting your things, wait a minute!" -oh no, oh no! - "You didn't unpack which means you wanted me to ask you to stay in here!" His joy was clearly present.

"Not at all, I just, er, smelled food so I came downstairs!" Her defensive face on, but she knew he didn't believe it. Before she knew it he had grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, peppering kisses to her face and neck.

"It's okay." He stopped, looking into her eyes. "You're secret is safe with me."


	3. Chapter 3

Castle jolted upright in bed, drenched in sweat and shaking like a lead being beaten by the wind. His mind was racing, so was his pulse.

It was dark, he couldn't see anything, where was he?

He jumped at the feel of a hand touching his wrist, but it was a familiar, reassuring hand. The lights came on, it was okay, he was home, and Kate was with him.

"Bad dream." He mustered out through raspy quick breaths. He needed to calm down, but he couldn't, it had started as him re-living the shooting. The fiery pain re-kindled in his chest as he felt the bully burn through his tender flesh.

But the the dream changed, it was Kate on the ground, not him. He was terrified, the blood he felt was not his own but hers and he could do nothing to stop it.

The realisation dawning on him, the blood he felt was sweat and that was not how events had unfolded, she was fine.

"The shooting?" Her voice quiet, timid, like she already knew the answer and was scared to ask the question.

He raises his free hand, releasing the sheets that had been tightly fisted in his palms. He clutched the back of her neck, tenderly tracing circles under her hair line before bringing her into him, holding her whole body to him, almost to reassure himself that she was real, she was really there. He inhaled her cherry-scented locks, strokes his hand down the length of her body, gently pulling her bear legs into him, to rest over his, her body now turned to face him. Her skin was soft as he gently ran patterns over her thigh, a new sensation to him in their relationship.

After a few moments he released her, pulling away slightly to look at her. She was beautiful, perfect, everything he'd ever dreamed of and more. Her hair was tied untidily in a sloppy ponytail, her pyjamas nothing more than a simple, pink jersey-shirt and a pair of baggy, think cotton shorts that ended approximately half way down her thighs. She had no make-up on and she had the beginnings of bags under her eyes from being taken out of slumber.

She looked more stunning to him then than she had ever looked before, regardless of the fancy dresses he had bought her. She was everything he'd wanted and now she was his.

"Want to talk about it?" She began, scared of what his response would be, "It might help, what happened?"

He sighed, looking down to the comforter but still gripping her hand, that lifeline that he so badly needed at that moment. "I didn't save you in time." His voice sounded so defeated and broken, she began to well-up. "You got shot and I couldn't save you, I couldn't do anything. I was just so scared, I can't loose you Kate." At that moment his eyes raised to hers, seeing the state she was in, silent tears lightly skimming down her face.

He panicked, he didn't mean to make her upset! He didn't fully understand why she was upset if he was completely honest! "Kate, please don't cry, what's wrong?"

His hand rose to wipe the tears away and she gripped it, keeping the contact on her face as she tilted her head slightly to place a gentle kiss to the palm of his hand.

"You're still worried about me, even when you nearly died, you still worry about me. I just - I love you so much Rick. You saved my life and I can't express how I much it means to me that you did that."

Her words making his heart race again as he leaned in, hooking his fingers around her neck, bringing her in for a sweet kiss.

They began to move into a more comfortable position when Rick pulled away sharply, sucking in a gasp through gritted teeth. That hurt.

Blood began to seep through the cotton of his t-shirt, turning the navy blue garment into a tar-like black. Beckett began to panic, pushing slightly to provoke him to lay back down, she slowly began to remove the material covering his torso. being especially careful not to create any more damage.

Once the shirt was pulled over his head and dropped to the floor, she could see the problem. The force from him jolting up after the nightmare had caused a small tear in his stitches, not bad enough to warrant another hospital trip, but it was bleeding enough that she would need to change the dressing.

"Where did you put the gaus and bandages that the doctor gave you?"

"In the bag, next to the sink."

She slipped into the bathroom quickly before returning with the small blue bag. She pealed the old, slightly soaked patch off, doing her best not to rip off the light dusting of hair off his chest with the sticky medical tape. Once that had been taken care of, she stopped a moment to look at the wound. It was healing well, scabbed slightly, stitches done to perfection. It was so small, that one little mark nearly took him away from her.

"Kate?"

His croaky voice bringing her back to reality, he was clearly in pain. She looked into his eyes before leaning down, kissing the area around the bullet hole before taking ahold of the anti-septic fluid, pouring it onto a cloth and dabbing the wound gingerly.

"Ahh! Fuck! I hate that stuff it stings like a bitch!" Multiple more cusses along with 'Tssssst' noises were thrown out before she removed the cloth. "Sorry it stung, but it needs to be disinfected before I can re-dress it." She really did feel bad for it, he was in enough pain without adding on to it.

Finally she placed the bandage over the circle, taping it down cautiously.

"There, good as new. But I need you to turned over, I need to see the other side, just to make sure it's okay."

She heard him huff but he turned as quickly as he could given the state he was in.

They way he had tackled her resulted in the bullet entering near his right shoulder-blade and going strait through, exiting about an inch left of his heart. She once again began to peal the medical tape away, but leaving enough intact so that she could just stick it back down if needs be.

She had removed the top-right corner of the patch when she saw it. It was much smaller than the wound on his chest, a neat, perfectly sized circle. It was healing just as well. Didn't need to be re-dressed. It was lucky the bullet passed strait through, if it hasn't and had been lodges inside his chest, the chances of him surviving would go WAY down and circumstances would be very different.

"Okay this one looks fine, nothing needs to be done to this one."

She moved off him, taking the bag and returning it to it's place in the bathroom. When she appeared back in the room, Rick was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, she wandered over to the bed, turning off the light and slipping under the covers before snuggling into his side.

His arm wrapped possessively around her, holding her to him.

"I love you Kate. G'night."

"I love you too Rick, get some rest and no more bad dreams, I'm here."

XOXOXOXOXOX

_Kate awoke the next morning, sunlight streaming through the curtains of Rick's bedroom, she looked to the clock next to her, it was bright but still early, 6.47am. Castle was still quietly snoring next to her, the sun rays creating patterns on his face as she watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest - he's okay, he's still here._

After Rick had woken in the night, it took them quite a while to get back to sleep. It had been a rough night and he was exhausted, the pain mess she gave him probably assisting his sleep.

She slid out of bed, trying to make as little movement as possible before wondering out of his bedroom, heading for the kitchen and her morning coffee fix. However, a familiar face sat at the kitchen island and they had beat her to the coffee machine.

"Morning Martha, little early for you to be up isn't it? Mind if I have some coffee?"

The older woman turned to see her strutting in her direction.

"Of course dear, help yourself! And sadly yes, due to my acting class practicing King Richard III and having a little trouble getting everything just right, I have been dragged from my bed at this un-earthly hour, early start for more stage time!"

"Ahh I see." Kate began to pour herself a cup before taking a seat on the opposing side of the island, facing Martha.

"What's your excuse for being up so early, Kate?"

"I thought I'd head to the precinct, see if there are any updates before Rick woke up."

The older woman nodded in understanding. "So, I see you stayed with Richard last night. Was everything okay?" The question causing Kate's head to drop to the joe in front of her. "Evidently not, what happened?"

The brunet raised her eyes to meet Martha's, "He had a nightmare. About the shooting."

"Well that's understandable, he's been through a very traumatic time, I'd be worried if he didn't have nightmares."

"But you don't understand, he dreamt that it was me getting shot instead of him. He nearly ripped his stitches from jumping out of bed!"

"Well, he cares about you a lot Kate." The redhead reached over to take the younger woman's hand. "I don't know what he'd have done if you got shot. I'm just concerned that there have been no leads on this shooter at all and that you may still be in danger! I care for you a great deal, you're a wonderful role model for my granddaughter and you make my son happy, in fact I haven't seen this happy since Alexis was born."

Kate began to blush.

"I'm so happy you two are finally together and I don't want the risk of some sniper taking it all away again."

"I know, Martha. It's frustrating for me too, we're doing everything we can to find the bastard but he's clearly a professional. But when I find him, trust me I will find him, I'll make sure he pays for what he did."

At that point Alexis appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking cheery and chipper, she was a morning person, Kate had learnt that during her stay in casa de Castle last year after her apartment went boom.

She said good morning as she circled the table to kiss her gram before circling again to hug Kate. "Anyone want breakfast? Thought I'd make waffles."

XOXOXOXOXOX

She had just left the precinct, the boys were really working the case, they'd been in since 6 trying every lead they could find, she kept insisting she could stay and help them but all they did was shrug her off and tell her to take care of Castle.

She checked her father's watch as she pulled out of the station, heading for Castle's loft; 8.05. Alexis and Would be leaving in 30 minutes and Martha was gone by the time Kate had left the loft. She had plenty of time to get to the loft before Alexis left.

XOXOXOXOXOX

She arrived at the loft in 15 minutes, Alexis was just finishing packing her school things and finishing up her waffles when Kate wondered in, using the key Rick had given her so she could get things from the loft for him. Kate gave Alexis a wave and pointed to her father's room to indicate to her that she was going to check on Rick. She opened the door slightly, peering in. And there he was, he hadn't moved since she had woken up this morning. She closed the door slightly, turning to Alexis, "Hey, do you want me to take you to school? Your dad is out and I imagine he will be for a few more hours and it saves you walking all that way?"

Alexis's face brightened immediately, "Yeah, that'd be great! I have so much stuff to carry in today a ride would be perfect." The redhead placed her dirty dishes in the dishwasher before running upstairs. On her return she was carrying 3 more bags, full of books and packed to the brim.

"What could you possibly need that many books for?" Kate laughed in amazement.

"Science project, I needed to do a lot of research and I forgot to take the books back so they started piling up here!" Alexis dropped the bags in front of the door with a grunt before picking up her school bag and once again meeting Kate at the door.

"Ready?" Alexis nodded in response. "Need a hand?" Another nod.

Together they dragged half the book population of NY public library down to her car and set off for Alexis' school.


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry for the lack of updates but I'm doing my best to write as much as I can! Hope you all enjoy and keep reading! 3**

When Beckett arrived back at the loft she heard the sounds of pipes being heated, Rick was clearly awake and in the shower. She had been out longer than she intended to be but due to an accident on her return, the usually grid-locked traffic of New York was even worse.

She wandered over to the kitchen, making a fresh pot of coffee and taking out two cups from the cupboard. It was strange making coffee for him given the fact that for the past 3 years he had been the one to bring her her morning fix. But it felt right in some ways. She felt at home here, she had had a casual conversation with Alexis on her way to school and was surprised how easily she slipped into the surrogate mother role, giving her advice about Ashley, talking about worries she had at school. It was strange but wonderful.

She was debating going surprising him in the shower until the running water stopped - may be next time...

The 'no strenuous activity' rule was becoming harder and harder to follow, it had been three long years of wondering what it would be like to finally experience how in sync they really were, in all aspects of their relationship. The thoughts causing a crimson flush to crawl up her skin.

Coffee Kate, focus on the coffee!

Before she had a chance to pour the caffeine into their mugs, she heard a stifled cry coming from Rick's bedroom.

Bursting through the door she was met by the sight of her boyfriend, stood there dripping wet and barely managing to cover himself in a towel.

"What's wrong I heard a scream."

His face was flush, she couldn't tell if he was embarrassed about screaming like a girl or if he was having the same thoughts that she was having moments ago.

"Nothing I'm fine, just got a bit carried away with drying myself and snagged at the scar."

She waltzed over to check that it hadn't been opened, her fingers on his chest, she placed her hands either side of the wound. It was fine, it wasn't open but it looked like he'd pulled a little on a stitch. He was gleaming, glistening with the water dripping down his body.

"Kate, you're going to have to back up a bit or I'm gonna wind up doing something that'll rip all my stitches out."

She looked up to meet his eyes, they were dark blue, hungry, animalistic. She felt it too, she wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

But they would have to wait.

She took a few steps back after placing a light kiss on his lips, "I made coffee, meet you in the kitchen?"

He nodded as she made her way back to the island in the middle of the loft. Fanning herself slightly to cool down, he may have had a towel round him but, lets just say his eyes weren't the only things giving away his intentions. The towel was strained and unable to hide anything.

XOXOXOXOXOX

They were sat on the couch watching talking away after Castle had finished his breakfast that she had made him. It was an interesting topic but one that they could openly discuss now that they were together.

"Come on Kate, what was I meant to do? I was terrified that you didn't feel the same, that all we had was flirty banter before you went back to your real boyfriend!" He was smiling, amazed that she couldn't understand why he didn't tell her how he felt sooner.

"Well I thought that you didn't like me, considering I broke up with Tom to go to the Hampton's with you and you blew me off and took Gina!" It was a jokey tone between them, but there were undertones of real hurt.

"Wait, you broke up with Demming BEFORE I left!? Why didn't you say anything? I never would have asked Gina if I'd known, the only reason I really wanted her to come was because I was hurt about Demming."

"Well I was about to tell you before she showed up! To think if that didn't happen we could have been together a long time ago."

He had to ask; "When did you know you wanted to be with me?"

"What? What do you mean?" She looked shy, innocent, like she knew exactly what he meant but didn't want to answer.

"Well, I can remember the moment I knew I wanted more than a friendship from you and I remember the second I realised I was in love with you."

"When were they?" She asked, heart in throat, she wasn't used to this.

"When your ex Sorrinson turned up and kissed you, I can admit now, yes I was jealous and that's when I knew I wanted more than what we had at the time -" she was blushing, he loved it when he could make her blush, "- and I realised I loved you when you shot Coonan in the precinct." Her face dropped slightly, the memories flooding back of so very nearly catching her mother's murderer.

He continued causing her eyes to return to his; "You were crying your eyes out and all I wanted to do was kiss you, pick you up and take you home and make everything alright."

He paused taking in a deep breath and blowing it back out; "And then you told me that you wanted me there when we finally catch the SOB who ordered your mother killed and told me I make your hard job more fun and for the first time in the months I'd spent working with you, I had hope that one day you might feel the same way about me."

Her smile blossomed as she leant over to kiss him tenderly, the beauty of his words making her feel incredible.

"I remember when I knew I liked you too, it was when that actress Ellie started sleeping with you and it made me so, frustrated to see her taking advantage of you, but it was pointed out to me a few times before that."

He gave her a curious head-tilted. Her smile grew bigger, so did her nervousness; "Kira may have made a comment about you and me... So did Natalie Rhodes. But just so you know, I will not admit to anyone that that woman was right!" Castle giggled, remembering how funny it had been that Beckett had been freaked out by a blonde actress playing Kate.

But he knew that no one would ever be the same as Kate Beckett, she was a one-of-a-kind girl.

And now she was all his.

XOXOXOXOXOX

They had been talking for so long about all their missed chances and near moments like LA, they hadn't noticed the time. Alexis had entered the loft quietly, Kate had seen her come in but at his angle she knew Castle couldn't see her.

She was just about to drop her bag when a sudden gust of wind caused the door to slam shut. Loudly.

Within nano-seconds, Castle was on the floor covering his head and shaking like a leaf.

Kate knelt down to place a hand on his back, rubbing tender circles over his shirt while Alexis raced over to check he was okay. The red-head clutched her father, repeatedly asking if he was okay, concern filling her voice.

He got up slowly, still shaking violently, he got himself onto the couch with some help from the girls.

"I'm okay, just made me jump." His breathing was coming fast and sharp, his face gleaming with sweat.

The women sharing a look before Kate wondered off to get him a glass of water. She did this. He was so scared and there was nothing she could do.

When she returned, he was clutching her daughter tightly, almost afraid she was slipping away from him. She couldn't stand that he was scared.

He kept insisting he was fine and just a bit jumpy once he had calmed down, but she had seen this before. He was suffering from PTSD. Every loud bang, anything that make him jump, it was like he was reliving the shooting, like it was happening again.

And until they caught the gunman, it still could.

That was the scariest thought of all.

XOXOXOXOXOX

He had a therapy appointment at 2 the next day. Kate had given him a ride to the hospital. It was too soon for physiotherapy to begin, there was still a chance at ripping his stitches if he strained too much but they would have to start soon as he was starting to get stiff from not moving enough.

He seemed fine, he was telling her about Doctor Burke, his session. But was cautiously avoiding the fact that he had had a panic attack over a door yesterday. She thought it would be a good idea to get him to talk to Espisito, given the fact that he has gone through similar things himself. It might be helpful to talk to someone who had been in the same position.

She texted him quickly along with an update request. The fact that they had not called her with news making it obvious that there were no new leads.

She just wants to help him.

She just doesn't know how.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay so this chapter's a little different but I want to go in a particular direction with this story and it only came to me so if it seems a little forced I apologise! Hope you all enjoy, please review if you have them time! 3 **

She was just leaving to slip home to grab her mail when Espo arrived at Castle's loft. He had told Castle that he could tell him what was going on in his life, she knew it wasn't like Castle to try and be the alpha dog, but she was worried he'd put a brave face on for Espo. She hoped that chatting with someone who knew what he was going through could help him deal with what had happened that day.

He had woken up coated in sweat and jumpy every night she had stayed there, she hasn't mentioned it but she had noticed it and kept an eye on him. She knew that he was scared, he had become angry with himself one night, getting up and pacing the living room telling himself to stop being a child before grabbing his pain pills and popping a few of them.

She had made a note to inform Dr Burke if he started taking them too often, a month's supply had gone down been going down quicker than it should be.

She had arranged to meet the psychiatrist while Castle was with Espo, dropping by on her way back to the loft, she had asked him to keep an eye on him as much as he could and she would do the same.

She liked the man, he had a calming affect that allowed her to open her fears to him with more ease than she usually required. But at least Castle was in good hands.

XOXOXOXOXOX

He had been talking to Javier for about an hour now, it had started as a few laughs and jokes, but the conversation took a solum turn when Javi had brought up the shooting and asked how he was coping. The first thing Rick did when the topic came up was to go strait to the meds.

Castle joked about being a little juniper than usual, but there was an undertone of severity to the comment.

"Come on bro, you know I've been where you are now. I know it's not something you just forget about and I know it's something that you think no one else will understand, but you've got to be honest with me, are you really okay?" The concern filled the room, almost guilting Rick into the first honest response to this question he'd ever given.

"No not really, I almost had a panic attack over the door slamming shut. I keep waking up in the middle of the night because of nightmares and every time I think about that day it feels like my chest is on fire!" He reached for the bottle again, popping off the lid and sliding two white tablets into his palm before nocking them back.

"I know how you feel, it's like anything could be the next bullet, the one that finally ends it. But it won't, of all the times you've been with us on raids, the worst that's come out of it is having your ass chewed on by an over-grown chiwawa!" They both giggled at the memory of Castle leaping on top of the patrol car holding on to his torn jeans.

"I just don't want to burden anyone, I'm talking to a therapist twice a week, I don't want Kate or Alexis or my mother to feel like their walking on eggshells every time their around me! It's their home and every time there's a run and gun film on tv they're worried I'll freak or them being cautious about avoiding certain words in case they'll set me off."

Castle eyes dropped to his lap, staring at the bottle he was still twisting around his fingers.

"You're not a burden, you're just going through something at the moment, they understand that it's going to take time for everything to go back to normal. But you will be better, time heals a lot and I know you, you're tough for a writer boy. You'll pull through."

Rick's eyes met Javi's again, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Thanks man, this has actually helped."

Their conversation finished by the sound of Beckett returning to the loft, she had her own key. The plot thickened. As far as anyone at the precinct knew, Beckett was staying in the spare room and was being a good friend and taking care of her partner. But the way Castle had been talking about her, using her given name, was making Espo think that there had been a change in the nature of his friends relationship.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" Kate beamed at her partner before turning to pat Espo'a shoulder, a silent 'thank you'.

"It's been good, didn't realise how much I missed the precinct's mascot!" A laugh was shared by all of them before Castle excused himself to go to the bathroom, giving Espo a quick and bromance-like embrace before scurrying to his bedroom.

Kate began to escort the Hispanic to the door before turning to him quickly.

"How's he doing? I can't help but get the feeling he's putting on a brave face for me and I thought it might help to talk to you." Her voice was low and quiet, like she was scared for Castle to hear her.

"He's doing okay, just give him time. It's a very traumatic time for someone and he's doing better than I was at this point. You've noticed the nightmares I take it?"

Her response was a simple nod and a frown.

"It's natural for him to relive the trauma, just be there for him as much as you can, I know he'll pull through."

Another nod from the brunet.

He wanted to change the topic, it was clearly worrying her and he didn't like to see his surrogate little sister upset; "So I gotta ask, what's going on with you two?"

Her eyes darted up to his, panic-stricken.

"Oh come on Beckett, he saved your life and you're spending all your time here. Not to mention the fact that I just saw all your belongings in his bedroom."

She went bright red.

"Spill Beckett, I need to know who won the pool."

She cleared her throat, there was no way that she was getting out of this.

"We may have made things a little more official since the shooting, but it's not like I'm doing this because I feel obligated because he took a bullet for me, I know how it sounds but, we are together now."

Thy shared a smile before he replied; "Well I'm happy for you, both of you. Congrats! Now no one will be constantly speculating me and Lanie, they'll all be far too focused on you guys!"

Her eyes fillies with panic again. "You can't tell anyone Espo, please, I just want to keep this under wraps until he's fully healed and we can discuss it properly, if this gets out, the option of him coming back to the precinct may be taken away from us."

Espo understood, without Montgomery, they had no idea if the new Captain would allow Castle to come back regardless of whether of not they were dating.

"Don't worry you're secret is safe with me, but you gotta let me tell my boy Ryan and if I don't let Lanie in on this gossip she'll kick my ass!"

Another shared giggle.

"Alright but you can only tell those two okay? Also who is replacing Montgomery?" The memory of their fallen Captain called for a second of silence before his reply came.

"From what I hear they have it narrowed down to two candidates, some guy from DC who works with the Feds which will be interesting or a woman from Internal Affairs, we should know by the end of the week. But either way I jobs will become much harder when everything gets back to normal."

Espo'a phone began to wring and he answered in his usual fashion before leaving the loft, explaining that a body had dropped and promising not to tell anyone about the new couple other than the for-mentioned individuals.

Just as the door shut, Castle came back into the room, setting himself back down on the couch with a groan.

"Still stiff?"

Her comment met by Rick's patented 'twitching suggestive eyebrows'. She giggled before continuing.

"You're muscles are they still stiff? Are you sure you should be moving around so much, I don't want you to hurt yourself." She was talking as she sauntered over to sit beside her partner, taking his hand in the process.

"I haven't even left the loft Kate it's not like I'm running a marathon I'm only walking from the bed to the couch!" His tone was jokey but she could tell he was serious and very sick of being inside all the time.

"It's just for a few more weeks, until you're physiotherapist gives you the all-clear."

He nodded, agreeing with her, he was counting down the days until he could get out and actually do something. He'd tried to write but the pills were just making him drowsy. He couldn't concentrate enough to think let alone put words on a page.

"How was you're talk with Espo?"

"It was good, helped a bit actually."

"You know you an always talk to me about what happened, right?" She tilted her head to meet his lowered eyes. But he pulled his hand away.

"Just say shooting Beckett. I got shot, it's what happened so just say it."

Another two pills down. Beckett placed her hand on his clenched fist.

"Please don't do that, Rick."

He looked up again, there was anger in his eyes, but his pupils were so big it was almost smothering the blue in his irises, he'd clearly been taking too many.

"Why are you taking so many pain-killers Rick?" He didn't answer her, just stared. "I spoke to Doctor Burke about this today, I'm worried about you Rick just answer me please!"

"You went behind my back!? Spoke to my psychiatrist about me? I'm taking them because I need them Kate! I can't keep feeling like this, I'm in pain or I'm constantly on alert I just need them to even me out, stop me feeling like this." Tears were streaming down her face, he still looked stone-faced. No emotion, a blank expression.

"You don't want to feel anything? Not even for me?" Her voice was quiet, upset but firm.

"It's not like that Kate, I just -" tears began to fill his eyes, "I can't stand feeling like this anymore."

He began sobbing uncontrollably, dropping his head onto her shoulder as she laced her arms around him, holding him close.

"I'm here Rick, I'm right here, nothing will happen to you, I won't let it. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. I love so much I don't want to see you like this." She held him tighter, she didn't want to let him go, she just wanted it to be okay again.

XOXOXOXOXOX

After a few hours, they had agreed that she would keep the meds and give then to him and that he would talk to Dr Burke about his problem. They had also arranged her taking him out for coffee and may be staying at the Hampton's for the rest of her holiday time so he's not stuck in the loft all the time. The calming environment might be good for him.

They would be okay, they just needed time. And each other. But they could work this out, they've been through so much together, this would be just another bump in the road but they could do it. They'd always come out the other side stronger than before.

They could this...

Couldn't they?


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry, I'm so sorry a thousand apologies for the server lack of updates! I've had no Internet then I've been in America and then I've been prepping for uni and just haven't had the time to write but I've decided to try and make it up to you lovely people with a rather lovey caskett scene! I'm sorry again and thank you for being so patient! I love you all and please review if you have the time! **

She had just woken up, stretching slightly so she didn't wake the slumbering man next to her. His grip around her waist was warm, possessive and doing a very good job at making her want to stay in bed! But she couldn't, sadly her time off had run out, though there was no captain officially appointed to punish her if she didn't go in, there was a temp from 1PP keeping tabs on the 12th.

Besides, as much as she loved being with him all the time, she was missing work too, she missed the purpose that her job gave her. Missed the rush of catching a criminal and she knew he missed it too, but until he was given a clean bill of health, he wouldn't be coming back any time soon!

"Castle, I need to go to work." She whispered, turning in his embrace to lightly kiss his bottom lip, her actions met by a low growl as he slowly began to awaken.

"Don't get up, stay in bed." His grip tightening slightly, pulling her closer into him.

"I can't Castle I have to go to work, I've run out of time off and if I don't go back I could loose my job which will make you following me around a little less interesting!" He groaned as he lifted his arm from her slowly, whimpering when she pulled back the sheets and the cold rush of air invaded his bed, waking him up immediately.

"I can't believe I'm going to be here on my own for the whole day." He pouted, looking over to the now half-naked woman in his bedroom. The look on his face when she turned to look at him causing her to move over to kiss the puckered lips as his arms came up to wrap around her waist.

"Do you know how long I waited to see you like this and now I can't even do anything about it!" He lost eye contact with her as he let her go and slammed his head back into the pillow, lifting the sheet up to cover his face as he moaned about his wound.

"Rick, we'll have all the time in the world to explore each other when you're better, the rest of our lives!"

He stopped talking quickly, slowly dragging the sheets from his face and looking up to meet her eyes. "The rest of our lives, will still never be enough time. I could never have you enough. But the rest of our lives sounds good, if that's what you want."

She began to blush, the reality of what she just said dawning on her as a small grin covered his face. "Well that was the plan wasn't it? My one and done and your third times the charm?" Her comment earning a giggle from the writer before his face grew serious and he pulled her down so she was sat on the bed straddling him, eye to eye.

"I love you, Katherine Beckett. I've waited my whole life for you -" he brushed a tendril from her face, "and now you're finally here, I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I just wish it hadn't taken us three years to finally admit it."

She looked deep into his azure irises, the honesty and love she saw in them making her eyes fill with tears as she placed a palm on either side of his face and leant down to kiss him tenderly, attempting to portray the words she couldn't say in the sweetness of her kiss.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Arriving at the precinct, she wandered over to the boys, the smile still remained plastered across her face since their talk that morning. She had left the loft just as Alexis had begun to make breakfast, the younger girl giving her a tighter-than-usual hug before the brunet slipped away.

"Hey guys, we got a case?"

"Beckett! Welcome back! Did you miss us already? Writer boy too much for the mighty Detective Beckett to handle?" The boys grinned at her wildly.

"Oh, you know me, just couldn't wait to see your goofy faces again." Her comment earning a confused look from Ryan and a feigned hurt look from Espo. "We catch a brake in the case?"

Both detectives stared at the floor before looked up to answer; "'Fraid not. The temp from 1PP assigned us to new cases as there had been no new leads. It's like the guy just vanished into thin air Beckett. He's just... Gone." They all stared at their feet at that point. The joint guilt of letting their friend down in finding his attacker washing through them. Drowning them.

"Well, what's the new case?"

Espo looked down to a small piece of paper before reading the summary of the notes scrawled across in aloud; "Got a 35 year old male by the name of Gary McGreggor, COD is still inconclusive but we think it was a blunt force trauma to the back of the head. And this will be something to make Castle sorry he missed this one, but the guy was dressed as Darth Vader and the only suspect we have was a guy leaving the ally he was found in dressed as Luke Skywalker, we think he'd been thrown against a wall with some force." He paused, taking in the choice of words used. "Anyway, spoke to the fiancé, turns out they were meant to be at a party together but he left after getting a phone calling and 'acting weird'. Sounded like a pretty Beckett-type case!"

They all laughed lightly, amused at how well they knew their boss, but still baring in mind the fact that a fellow man had lost his life.

"Detective Beckett, a word."

The man was short. Really short. He was a small, rounded man with pitch black hair that was all pulled to one side of his face in a failed attempt to cover the balding spot shining through on the top of his head. He poked round the door of Montgomery's office in a fashion that reminded her of a child, half his body hanging out around the door, hovering on one leg while the other poked out behind him. His voice was strong, deep, but with a growl that indicates a history of heavy smoking.

Or he was trying to copy Christian Bale in Batman.

She nodded to him before he vanished behind the blinds. She smiled at her fellow detectives as she sauntered over to the office door, pausing as her fingers splayed across the cold metal handle. So many times she had entered this office, but now she wouldn't be met by the sight of her boss, her friend. Taking a deep breath, she pushed at the handle and stepped in.

"I trust you had a pleasant vacation, taking care of your, er, 'Writer Friend'." The sight of him sat leant back in Montgomery's chair, leaning back so far it was nearly at breaking point, assaulted the detectives eyes.

"Partner."

"Excuse me detective?"

"He's my partner. Sir."

The small man's eyes squinting as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the oak desk in front of him. "My apologies detective, I just usually refer to partners as people who actually work here. Have training. Have your back as a partner should."

"All due respect sir, Castle is took a bullet saving my life. I think that qualifies as 'having my back'."

"Strange, isn't that what happened to your last partner? Detective -" he looked down at her profile, the light shimmering off the sweat atop his balding head "- Denny Colt? Took a bullet in the line of duty?"

That stung. But Beckett was a professional, she wouldn't show it.

"Well, I don't consider his death my fault." A half-truth. It had taken Montgomery weeks of convincing her that his death wasn't on her hands after a perp had fled a property and they had gone after him without back-up.

"Well, who's fault would you say it was then detective?"

"I'd say the blame lies with the woman-beating murderer who pulled out a shotgun and took him out."

He nodded slightly before responding, "And I find it very curious that didn't have a replacement partner for a few years, until Mr Castle. Why is that?"

She simply shrugged, "I was never given one sir." That was the only response she could muster, not wanting to share her fear of another friend dying on her again. Which was also the reason she had been so adamant not to have Castle shadow her to begin with. Sure she pretended he was a pain in the ass who would mess up her job, but really, he was her favourite author and the thought of him taking one to the chest as her previous partner had made her veins run cold. Who'd have thought that the real danger had come, not in the line of duty, but at the very place they had gathered to honour their fallen Captain. "If I may ask sir, why are we no longer investigating my partner's attack?" The look in her eyes furious but in a subtle fashion.

"Because, Detective, there have been no new leads and a sudden rise in homicides and rather than having everyone in homicide work on an assault case full of dead ends, I decided it would be a better use of everyone's time to solve murders."

The subtle mess was gone, just the fury remained, she held her voice back as she spoke; "The shooter is still out there, regardless of wether or not he works here, regardless of wether or not he failed at his assassination attempt, he was aiming for me so how do you think that makes ME feel? Knowing that a man who tried to kill me is still out there roaming the streets and knowing that my team, the best detectives I know, are doing nothing to find him."

Her eyes were cold as the man simply stared at her, stunned at her response, moments passed in silence until she simply let out a brief frustrated sigh and stormed out of the room, rushing passed her two detectives mumbling something about going to grab some lunch and to call her if anything new comes up.

XOXOXOXOXOX

He had just finished the third Star Wars movie when he heard the door open, turning in surprise to see his favourite detective as he stood to greet her.

"Hey hon, did you miss me already?"

He seemed surprised when her fast pace of walking didn't slow down, neither did her eye contact with the floor, the detective didn't in fact stop until she collided with her boyfriends chest, her arms wrapping around him tightly as his arms encircled her, holding her to him as he pressed kisses into her hair.

"Beckett, Kate sweetie, what's wrong?" He could feel her shaking against him, using his firm chest to muffle the sounds of her sobs as she shook against him. They stayed like that for a few minutes, stilled in an embrace that was safe until she was ready to talk.

"I'm sorry I just had a really shitty morning, the temp from 1PP is a real asshole and I just, I guess I'm just not used to you not being at the precinct with me you know? I missed you and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He pushed her back slightly, a hand on either shoulder as he looked at her, marvelled at how stunningly beautiful this woman was and how he felt honoured that she let him in enough to see her at her weaker moments.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, you know I always love seeing you and you are always welcome here." He used his thumbs to wipe away the stray tears running down her face before kissing her so sweetly and tenderly that she thought she may actually explode with love.

They pulled apart and rested their foreheads together before she spoke; "I don't know what I'd do without you Rick. I love you so much." Her green eyes flicking up to stare into his before he nuzzled her nose and cheek, running his hands through her soft locks.

"I missed you too, I was just watching Star Wars as a last resort to try and distract me, writing was making me miss you more. Let's just say having the really thing is nothing in comparison to real life." She giggled lightly, placing her hands atop his and stroking each digit with the partnering finger.

XOXOXOXOXOX

She had just returned home to get more clothes and toiletries, she expected to be leaving the loft once she went back to work, but he expressed how much he wanted her to stay for a little longer and quite frankly, she felt so at home there, she didn't really want to leave!

She had gotten a call from Espo a few minutes after she had burst into tears and had had to return to work, they had a new lead on the key suspect, a name and an address. Sadly it had been a dead end. Apparently Luke Skywalker was a popular character choice as there had been over 12 of them. The man they brought in had willingly turned over his outfit for evidence and found no match, he also had an alibi of getting lucky with two Princess Leia's. The whole team repeatedly emphasising that the two characters were in fact related, but were assured that the actual people behind the masks were far from it!

She had just turned to lock her door, duffle-bag in hand when she heard a familiar voice.

"Kate, I thought I might find you here."

She turned slowly, gripping the duffle bag, she wanted to make a quick exit and not to drag this out. This would only make her day more complicated.

"Josh? What are you doing here?" Her voice was questioning but not angry.

"I just wanted to talk to you. Now that we've had some time to think about what we really want and Kate, I think we were good together! I'm sorry about what happened to Castle, I really am, but we were together for nearly a year and I don't want you to throw that away when you haven't thought it through!" His voice was begging, submissive. She didn't want this conversation, but better to be honest than to drag it out.

"Josh, look, it wasn't a quick decision made because I thought he was going to die! There has been a lot of history between me and Rick and it pre-dates us so I don't expect you to understand but, I've had feelings for him for a long time, I thought I could move on but I can't." She took a deep breath. "I love him."

Josh looked down to the floor, the sadness in his face apparent. "It's funny, you and me were together for that amount of time and you never said anything remotely like that to me, you two have been together for a few weeks and you're able to just announce it." He laughed breathily before taking her hand, "I just wanted to ask for one more chance, but I can see how happy you are and I know he has a lot to do with that so -" he placed something in her palm and rolled her fingers over it, making them into a fist, "- I will give this back to you. I hope you two are happy together. You are a truly extraordinary woman Kate." He kissed her knuckles and vanished down the hall.

She let out a deep sigh before looking down at the cold metal in her hand; it was the key to her apartment that she had given him on their 6 month anniversary.

XOXOXOXOXOX

"And then he gave me back the key."

Castle sat next to her, listening intently to everything she had been saying. "Huh, I would have thought he would have put up more of a fight. For once, I think I actually like Dr Motorcycle Boy for something!"

They both giggled before Kate moved over to snuggle into the writer's side, his arm wrapping possessively around her shoulders.

"But him giving me the key and just turning up made me realise how annoying it is that I have to keep making these backwards and forwards journeys to get more stuff from my place. It just seems like such a waste keeping the apartment right now. It took so long to find one after mine burnt down and now I'm not even using it! You've got me stuck here!" She laughed as he feigned hurt, knowing full well that if she didn't want to be here she wouldn't be.

"Detective, you wound me. But if you hate it that much, why don't you bring stuff over here?" He was cautious with his words, knowing if he put too much pressure on, moved to fast, she run.

"I already have stuff over here Castle. All of my wardrobe, with exception to my fancy outfits, is here, my make-up, my hair-stuff. Why don't we just call it quits and I just move in I mean, I already have a key!" She laughed loudly taking a sip of wine. But the writer didn't laugh, only paused to look down at her.

"Would you?"

The detective placed her wine down, still smiling at her comment, "would I what?"

"Move in, live here, with me."

She paused, her face turning serious which was enough to make the writer start to babble; "Only if you we're ready though, I mean I know we haven't been together long and that talking about this is crazy -"

She cut him off by placing a hand on either side of his face, silencing him when she pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Do you want me to?"

He was stunned into silence, the sheer fact that she was still in the room was a miracle let alone the fact that she was actually considering it! "Uh, yeah, of course! Of course I want you here all the time! But do you?"

The woman grinned wildly; "Rick, we've been pretty much together for over a year now. I know that's at least how long you and I have been in love. If you consider that fact, this isn't rushing anything. Besides, it'll make getting to work easier along with the fact that I don't have to drive back and forth anymore!"

"Seriously? You'll move in?"

The grin on his face bringing a flush to hers as she glanced down before meeting his eyes and nodding. In seconds his mouth was on hers, sharing a passionate, love-filled kiss that melted her heart, 'I love you's were mumbled into her lips between each long kiss. They were really doing this!

**I know a lot of people make Josh out to be a dick, but as much as I hate him, I just don't get that vibe off of him so I wanted a final farewell to Josh Davidson and to make it as realistic as I think this confrontation would have been. Also I wanted to give a bit of a backstory as to why Beckett didn't have a partner when Castle came to the precinct a this was just a little random thought that came into my head so I decided to run with it! Hope you guys enjoyed it, sorry again for not updating but please review if you have the time as it really gives me the motivation to keep writing it as if people aren't enjoying it then what's the point lol love to you all. Also nearly died when I saw the pics for season 6, Caskett look so ready to be married! **


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